Monday, December 12, 2011

Just Trying To Get Out The Door

I think all of us parents know that getting out the door in the mornings can often be the most difficult part of the day.

Being married to a preacher means that most Sunday mornings, Ryan leaves before the rest of us.  And now that my girls are older, many times one or both of them is heading out early as well for choir or youth group stuff.

Ryan is great about helping in the mornings, but since Lily has taken to chewing her way out of clothes, I don't dress her until the moment I'm about to walk out the door.  Which means Ryan has already left.

Despite the fact that on Sunday mornings I get up in plenty of time to do all that needs to be done, I still always seem to be late for church.

Yesterday morning, I was trying to figure out exactly why that is.

My conclusion?

It's that last thirty minutes before I walk out the door that seems to seal my tardy fate.

And while that should be an easily correctable thing, here's why it's more difficult at my house: in a word (or two) - The Bird.

See, there are lots of things that happen around here that I just can't plan ahead for.  So even though two and a half hours should be plenty of time for all of us to get up, get dressed, get fed and out the door, a few "extra chores" never fail to crop up that I'm fairly certain don't occur regularly in most other homes.

Things like -

Prepare Lily's breakfast cocktail of apple juice and crushed anti-viral and deliver it to my bedroom where she is lounging in my bed with the iPad.
Head to the kitchen to crush yet another one of Lily's morning medications, this one mixed in a spoonful of soy yogurt.
Hand the yogurt to Ryan who helps Lily feed herself the yogurt, hopefully without getting any in her hair - or his!
Finish getting myself dressed while Lily continues to recline on my bed and Ryan heads out.
Lily notices that someone left a cup with a tiny bit of hot chocolate on the nightstand and proceeds to dump the remaining liquid on my clean sheets.  It no longer looks like a tiny bit of liquid.
Throw a towel over the spot, get her settled again, then put on lipstick and perfume.
Notice that Lily is no longer in my room.
A quick sprint to the kitchen reveals I left the lid off the bottle of cinnamon and Lily has dumped the contents on my kitchen island.
Strap the Bird in her Tripp Trapp chair, give her a bag of chips (the breakfast of champions) and clean up the cinnamon.
Get Lily dressed.
Realize I forgot to put on my jewelry.
Leave her in her room a grand total of twenty seconds while I sprint to my closet, grab my watch, ring and earrings, sprint back to Lily's room...
Only to discover that she has stripped off her pants and Pull-up.
Ask her if that means she'd like to go potty.
Set her on the potty and feel like I need one more good spritz of hairspray. (Hey, I live in Texas and my big hair doesn't stay up all on its own!)
Leave Lily on the potty for a grand total of ten seconds, sprint to my bathroom, grab the hairspray, and deciding not to waste any precious time spraying in my bathroom, I sprint back to Lily's bathroom to spray my hair in there....
Only to discover she has pooped, removed the potty seat from the toilet, sat back down and is in the process of trying to dip her behind in the disgusting water.
Extract the Bird from the toilet, noticing that the back of her shirt has also taken a dip.
Strip off what remains of church outfit number one, turn on the shower and stick her in.
Soap her up quickly, trying to not let the shower humidity wreak havoc on my big hair.
Remove her from the shower and put her in church outfit number two.
Realize the shower steam has done a number on my hair, along with all my frantic running, and I'm  going to need to do a ponytail.
Place Lily in her carseat FIRST, give her the iPad, sprint back in the house, pull my hair up, spray it one more time for good measure, then grab my purse, my Bible, the Bird's shoes and coat and her bag containing Pull-ups, an extra outfit, snacks, a chewy tube, a drink and her helmet, then sprint to the car....
Only to discover that I forgot to put an old t-shirt over Lily Bird's clothes so she has now successfully torn the collar of her shirt with her teeth.
Sprint back into the house, grab church outfit number three (or at least another shirt), run back to the car and FINALLY drive to church.

And how much time elapses from church outfit number one to church outfit number three?

About thirty minutes, my friends.

I'm frantically going through the above list, give or take a couple of items, from 8:30 AM - 9:00 AM most every Sunday morning.

It's really a wonder that I haven't shown up at church yet without my own shoes or for that matter, without wearing a shirt.

Honestly, I think the only way to remedy my late arrival to church is to revert back to the days of my youth: taking a shower and washing my hair on Saturday night.  Laying out my church clothes on the dresser, complete with shoes and jewelry.  Putting my purse and Bible at the back door, with the addition of Lily's coat, shoes, and bag, ready for departure. Putting an old t-shirt at the ready in Lily's car seat so I can throw it over what is hopefully still church outfit number one.

If that doesn't work, I guess I'll just give up sleeping on Saturday nights.... but the preacher might notice if I sleep through the sermon!


  1. Oh my goodness!! In Texas- without big hair- is a crime, isn't it?! I had big hair before Tootles was born. Not after. I'm lucky not to have wet hair when I leave the house!

    I'm sorry but I had to laugh at what happened in your recounting of your mornings - only because they are so similar to mine!! I get up at 5:30 every morning. T gets up at 8 - we have to leave at 8:10. I have to get him fed with two meds (a nebulizer treatment begins at 5:30 a.m. while he's still asleep) dressed, pottied, teeth brushed, hair combed, hands washed, vitamins in, iPad loaded, backpack loaded, etc...

    Luckily for me he's not chewing clothes or going for a butt dip in the toilet (anymore) but he often decides that 8:10 is the perfect time to take a dump!

    I just have to get him to school. You have a more lofty position to fill... Perhaps, that preacher could change the sermon time by 15 minutes? ;)

    I think it's that or give up the big hair...

  2. I have to get up at the crack of dawn to get myself and the kids ready for church and that still doesn't give me time to get a shower. And then something always happens that requires extra time we don't have. Hubs can't understand why I can't get up 20 minutes before we leave which is what he does every Sunday. Grrrrrr!
    Satan is hard at work on Sunday mornings isn't he?

  3. Yup! That pretty much describes every single morning where I have to leave the house with Little Miss too! We don't have the shirt-chewing, but since Little Miss likes to spit on her clothes and then play in the spit, we have turned up for more than one appointment or engagement with Little Miss looking like she fell in a puddle.

    And... no matter how far in advance I plan my morning, it never fails that I'm buckling a seat belt when I get a whiff of... yeah. You know what.

    Good luck to you and to us all!

  4. I can relate...too many mornings my little one decides he has to go right after he has been buckled into his car seat so it is back into the house we go (one morning it was I'm wet and then back in for a change, back to the car seat and then he was saying I need to potty - I was thinking really? no you don't but he kept saying so it was back in the house and despite just taking off a full pullup that was put on him 15 minutes before he really did have to go)...and he is about like a teenager in the mornings...does not want to get out of bed but wants to stay up late..We have basically given up trying to go to church at this point until he is a little's hard with a small kid and I imagine it is even harder with a special needs child

    oh and darker vehicles are worse on showing all the food and stuff..should have thought about that before I bought my current car. It is amazing all the junk that gets in the car from french fries (boy do they look disgusting when they are dried up) to fruit snacks, name I can relate:)

  5. I totally relate, though my list is a bit more simplified: Get self showered, get self dressed, get Parker dressed, make breakfast for us to eat at church before everything starts... the hard part? The constant melt-downs and fighting we have to deal with to get Parker out the door. The ever present struggles to get the simple things done that make this take HOURS! Yesterday after 30 minutes of trying with Parker, my pastor husband said, "Ok. You two are staying home. This just isn't going to happen today." :( Then I dealt with two hours of melt-downs... tough times!


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