Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I Guess We'll Never Know For Sure....

Yesterday's post was just one of those "thinking out loud" moments.

And I loved reading all your comments because it made me feel so much better to know I'm not the only one out there who questions things sometimes.

I really don't believe there will ever be a for sure answer regarding therapy.  And of course, every kid is different so there won't ever be a solution that's the same for everyone.

So my solution is to simply try not to dwell on it too much.

But sometimes, those little questions rear their ugly heads:

How do I know for sure which therapy to pursue?
When do I know the time is right to add another kind?  Or remove one from the schedule?
Is this therapy even working? Are we really moving forward?
Would this time/money/effort be better used on something else?

Sometimes, an opportunity will come along and I'll just feel for certain that we need to pursue this for the Bird.  Other times, I allow myself to lean on the knowledge of someone else that a proposed course of action is what's best for Lily.

But day after day, year after year, it's such a bumpy ride with so many peaks and valleys.

And I worry and wonder if I'm doing the right thing right now.

And if it's all worth it.

I think it's especially difficult when you have other typical children.  

You see them missing out on some of that carefree childhood you wanted for them.  Having the house that all the teenagers want to hang out in because there's a pool and good snacks.  We moved to a house without a pool because we were afraid of the Bird drowning - she has no fear of water.  And I'm just not the mom who stands at the stove making quesadillas for all the kids who crash at our place after school is out.  I wanted to be, but....

We wanted to take an extended family vacation last summer.  Just the five of us.  In a cute little house in a cute little town where we could ride bikes and take walks and swim.... whatever.

You see, we have one daughter that we're launching from the family nest this coming fall.  And another who's not far behind.

We wanted to get some good family time in.

We postponed the vacation because of finances.  A budget will only stretch so far when it contains a line item labeled "medical" and it's the most expensive thing in it.

We're hoping to do the vacation this summer but it's not looking promising.

And honestly, after the California doctor trip, I'm not sure that the idyllic vacation we're hoping for even exists for all five of us.  The Bird is not one to be content with hanging out, reading, taking naps, and mindless activities like that.

Now, I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me because we can't take a silly vacation like we'd like.  That's not the point I'm trying to make.

It all comes back around to the whole therapy thing.  

If it wasn't for the expense of therapy, we would definitely be taking that extended vacation. 

And that's when those old questions start coming back.  Is Lily really benefitting from this?  Would she be in this same place if we had done less?

When Lily is making progress and good things are happening, it's easy to write those checks.  But in the valleys?  Not so much.  That's when I want to scrap it all and take a vacation... with a babysitter!

So we're paying for tons of therapy right now and I wonder if it's all worth it.
Then I read the comment that Christy left yesterday and I think it best answered all those nagging questions that continually pop up in my head.  

She says, "There's not a day that goes by when I don't wonder if he would be better with more help."

More help?  Less help?  

Either way, I would be questioning if I was doing the right thing.

And I'll probably never really know the answer.

So here's my great words of wisdom for all of us parents - All you can do is all you can do.  And all you can do is enough.


  1. And sometimes just thinking about it all can be overwhelming. Add all the money we spend on therapy and it is daunting to say the least! I try to do what I can and some day that is just survive. And I'm learning to be OK with that.

    Good post.

  2. "More help? Less help? Either way, I would be questioning if I was doing the right thing." Me too. <3

  3. Precious...I just love you....period.
    Thanks for letting me know what is on your heart so I can pray for you and the family.....
    PS....need a sitter? I'm down for it....can you imagine how much trouble Lily and I would get into together? It would be epic...

  4. I'm with Espy!! Great thought!! Great adventures!! We could tag team!!
    Vacations don't have to be grandiose. Time and memories made with family is what is priceless no matter where you go or how much you spend. Some of my most special vaca memories were day trips, with a picnic lunch and no real plans.
    And btw - I think special needs child or not, we as mom's continually wonder if what we do/did is/was enough or too much for our children because of the love we have for them. It also doesn't hurt to pray and have friends pray for that extra wisdom and direction and perhaps a flashing neon sign or two of affirmation as well.

  5. First off, ((Hugs)).

    I've always been of the school that good parenting is not about what you *give* your children, it's what you *do* with your children. You can have all the toys, clothes, and fancy vacations in the world, but still be empty... and yet a child who gets attention -- who gets to enjoy the little things with her parents is exponentially more wealthy.

    What about a stay-cation? Or a little 3-day road trip to a nearby national park? It's not a little house with bike rides, but it could be a cabin in the woods with plenty of things for Lily to explore!


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