Tuesday, April 2, 2013

World Autism Awareness Day: Light it Up Blue - But Get Loud, Too





I'm sure by now you know that today, April 2, is World Autism Awareness Day.  The day we are all supposed to light it up blue to bring awareness to the growing number of children diagnosed with autism.  

And I'm sure by now you know that I am tired of talking about "awareness".  In fact, I just recently published a post entitled "Enough Awareness. More Action".

I am ready to see a total change in thinking.  I am ready for a unified and vocal stance from parents.  I am ready for some action from the medical community.

So today, yes, let's light it up blue.  But let's also get loud.


This is a "from the archives" post, which originally appeared on the blog in July 2012. 

Unquenchable thirst.  Insatiable appetite.  Unexplained weight loss.  Bed wetting.

These were the symptoms that manifested themselves in our firstborn daughter back in 1998.

The diagnosis?

Type 1 Diabetes.

And thus began a daily regimen of insulin injections, monitoring blood sugar, analyzing ketone strips, carbohydrate counting, and dietary adjustments.

In researching diabetes, I quickly learned that there are two types:

Type 1 (also called Juvenile Onset) is insulin dependent, meaning the pancreas totally stops producing insulin and for the rest of one's life, insulin must be given on a daily basis plus extra after eating as a constant maintenance dosage to keep blood sugars regulated.  In other words, there is no cure.

However, Type 2 Diabetes can be cured, usually through diet and exercise and short term insulin treatment, usually in the form of oral medication.  In Type 2 Diabetes, the pancreas can often begin re-producing insulin with appropriate medical and lifestyle changes.

And therein lies the problem:  many people are unaware that there are two kinds of diabetes, especially back in 1998 when Ryley was 5 and first diagnosed.  So whenever I shared that Ryley was diabetic, I frequently heard comments such as:

  • "I bet you're feeding Reagan less sugar now that Ryley has diabetes." - implying that I had somehow caused the condition by feeding my child endless amounts of junk food.
  • "Well, don't worry about Ryley because I have an aunt/uncle/grandmother/..... who had diabetes and they just quit eating sugar and started exercising and it went away." - implying that we had an unhealthy lifestyle and once we made some changes, she would be cured.
  • "Why are you giving her insulin shots? Don't you just want to have her take the insulin pills?" - implying that I had not done my research and just liked sticking my kid with needles everyday.
And my personal favorite, shared with me while I was leading a Ladies Bible Study, standing in front of a large group of women and telling them about Ryley's diagnosis:
  • "You know there's a cure for that, right?" - implying that I was a lazy mom, too lazy to research treatment options for my daughter and take care of her to the best of my ability.  To which I patiently replied that there is no cure for Type 1 Diabetes, the particular kind that Ryley has.  To which she replied, "Yes there is." To which I replied, "Actually, there isn't.  Her pancreas no longer works and never will again.  Therefore, she must get insulin injections for the remainder of her life."  To which she replied, "That's not true.  There IS a cure!" To which I replied, "You are a stupid idiot."  Actually, I didn't say that, but I was thinking it.  I just told her she might want to share her "cure" with me after our Bible study.  And then I fervently prayed that God would keep me from punching her in the throat.
Honestly, it was exhausting to be in the midst of caring for a diabetic child and also having to educate the public about the difference in Type 1 and Type 2 Diabetes.

Hmmmm... sound familiar?

Kind of like it's exhausting to be in the midst of caring for a child with autism and also having to educate the public about it.

It's exhausting to watch the way people disagree, pick apart each other's words, cast judgement, and basically tear one another down over differing opinions.  

And I'm not talking about the general population here.  

I'm referring to the autism "community". 

Genetics.  Vaccines.  Environment.  Hate.  Acceptance.  Cure.  Regression.  Born with it.  

All of these words, and many more, can trigger heated discussions amongst the autism community.

A couple of firestorms erupted this past week - one in which a fellow blogger admitted that sometimes, she wishes her kid was "normal".  And another in which a journalist father expressed comfort in knowing that his son will not have autism in Heaven and how this thought helps him get through the day.

And of course, what followed was the typical response from the autism community - 
  • "Are you implying that your child isn't normal?"  
  • "What does normal even mean?" 
  • "Do you realize how your words communicate to your child that something is wrong with him?"
  • "Do you mean to say that the only way you get through the day is wishing your child was dead so that he would no longer have autism?"  
  • "Do you realize that speech like this (from a journalist, no less - someone who makes a living with their words!) encourages hate and nonacceptance of individuals with autism?"
  • "Your need to express how it feels to raise a child with autism should never come at the expense of disrespecting an entire population of people with autism, especially your own child!"
Wow.  Who wouldn't want to share their feelings with their fellow autism parents with such great support like that?

I wonder how much good we can do for our kids when we can't even get along within our community, let alone trying to make a difference in greater society.

I'm also wondering if some of this tension is created because really, when you get down to brass tacks, like there are two kinds of diabetes, there could be two different kinds of autism.

Hear me out.

This really won't be any new revelation to parents of children with autism or autistics themselves but as I see it, there are basically two "camps" within the autism community - those who believe their children were born with autism and those who believe their children were absolutely fine at birth and then regressed, usually around 18 months of age.

And I think these different belief systems are at the core of many of our disagreements in the autism community.

When you believe your child was born with autism, you believe that that is just who he is, who he was designed to be.  Autism is an innate part of his being, just like hair color or left/right-handedness.

When you believe your child was not born with autism but rather regressed and became autistic later in life, you do not believe autism is part of his genetic make-up.  You look at autism as an intruder, a foreign body who somehow invaded your child and changed who he is.

Those core beliefs are certainly going to affect how you view your child and how you view what others express about autism.  I don't believe we're ever going to see eye-to-eye on this issue and we're wasting time, money, resources, and education arguing over which "camp" is right.

I fall into the second camp.  If you're interested, I wrote about my difficulty in accepting autism in Lily and if you click here, you can read it.

While I've seen first-hand the ineffectiveness of having a medical condition with one name, clarified only by Type 1/Type 2, I wonder if we had something like that to describe autism, if it might allow us to separate ourselves into our respective "camps" for those moments when we need support from like-minded people, but also allow us to set aside our "camps" and come together for those times when unity is needed to make a difference for our children.

I'm not necessarily proposing a Type 1/Type 2 Autism but maybe something to differentiate between those two belief systems might be helpful.  It would communicate to others in the autism community that while we have a differing view on how our children came to be autistic, we can still get along and work together to make a difference.  I won't belittle you for believing your child was born autistic if you won't belittle me for believing my child could one day recover from autism.

Case in point - Lily's doctor will whole-heartedly tell you she does not have autism.  

He believes she has NIDS, or Neuro-Immune Deficiency Syndrome, of which the symptoms are very similar to autism.  His mantra is, "Call it what you want.  But don't call it autism."  He firmly believes that 99% of children who developed neuro-typically then experienced regression are misdiagnosed with autism.  He firmly believes that with the proper medical treatment (by an MD - not by biomedical interventions, vaccine-avoiding, GFCF, hyperbaric oxygen, and so on....), these children can recover.  Not in spite of autism, but because they never had it in the first place.  

Why is this important?

Because no matter what Lily's diagnosis, I am 100% sure she was not born with autism.  Autism does not define her.  It is not an innate part of who she is.

So when I admit that there are times I wish Lily was "normal", I am not attacking her as a person.  I am not attacking who she is.  I am attacking an intruder in her body that stole who she is and that I intend to do everything in my power to eliminate. 

This does not mean I am going to murder my child or am encouraging other parents of autistics to do that.  This does not mean that I wish she was dead so she can be healed in Heaven.  It does not mean that I hate my child.  

It means that I love her with every fiber of my being.  And it means that I would give up my own speech if it meant she could talk.  It means I wish she could say what I see her struggling to communicate.  It means I wish I didn't almost literally see the wheels in her brain turning, trying to figure out what I'm saying and how she's supposed to respond.  It means that I wish with my whole heart that I could make life easier for her.  

Bottom line? 

I don't think all kids have the same kind of autism:  

Type 1 Autism - Born with it, innate part of who you are, no recovery, fully accepting

Type 2 Autism - Not born with it, regression, belief that recovery is possible

If we could all just accept that we're coming from two different "camps" and quit trying to force each other to agree, maybe we could bring about some real change for our kids.
  




26 comments:

  1. THANK you! This is such a good insight into this week's happenings. I was so frustrated that someone else's words were picked apart in an effort to "promote" the need to "talk more about these issues". From my point of view, there was a father, stepping up, expressing his opinions ("talking more about these issues") only to get shot down for his perspective. If we cannot accept perspectives of others, there's no point in promoting communication. This is a great post & I'm grateful to you for expressing this so eloquently and passionately. If you know someone with autism, you know ONE person with autism...if that's the big "autism mantra" then why in the world is there any judgment from anyone regarding what someone says or how they help their child?!? It's been a frustrating week with this all going on. Thank you, Lana, for stepping up to tackle this!!

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  2. I have several things with what happened this past week and I'm still processing it....there has to be a respect for what people feel. You may not like it and you may not agree with it but another person has a fundamental right to respect it. I don't think it was OK to tear that man apart. Yes, he said things it a public forum and that was his right but to do that in such a way was wrong. And to let the comments run wild??? Inexcusable.

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  3. Hi -
    I "met" you while you were on your month sabbatical (three cheers to you for recharging your batteries and knowing what's best for you!). I'm so going to have to e-mail you soon to introduce myself more. Especially since my daughter is a student at Liberty...

    Anyway, while I don't have a child with autism, my youngest son was a foster child we adopted. S biological father shook him when he was two months old and almost killed him. He has a TBI (traumatic brain injury) and is legally blind. We've dealt with the stares and the doctors who had a serious case of what we call "the idiot factor" and people giving their unsolicited opinions on therapy, treatments and discipline. Sigh

    I can totally relate to this differing camp issue because I have a severe hearing loss. Talk about differing camps, try meeting anyone in the deaf community. Good Gravy. Instead of helping new parents make the best choice for their child (a mantra I tend to repeat over and over again. I gather information to make the best decision for MY child. If you ask, I'm more than willing to share and help. But, the final decision has to be YOURS because you know your child). Anyway, I read something this week that was downright chilling. A deaf person wrote that they would go as far as to take away a deaf child from hearing parents because a hearing parent couldn't possibly understand the issues involved or make appropriate decisions. REALLY? Does that mean I, as a deaf Mom, shouldn't be allowed to parent my hearing children? Or my brain injured child with a vision loss, cause, gee, how can I possibly understand the issues and needs. I could go on. The point is, I so agree with you Lana. Decide what you will regarding the cause of your child's autism, but, let's work together to share and build each other up vs tearing each other down. The "Deaf" community is becoming more and more militant in their thoughts and isn't helping anyone. Isn't our journey challenging enough?

    Sorry for the lengthy post and rant...

    Thanks for taking the time to write your blog. :)

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    1. Thanks for sharing your interesting thoughts and perspective. I am really hoping you read this reply because I'd love to hear from you and "meet" your LU daughter. Mine is headed up there next month! :)

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  4. Thank you, thank you, thank you. My daughter has a similar issue where she is "definitely not autistic" but exibits similar traits. This leaves her in the undiagnosed loop that makes it more difficult to find services/treatments.

    As far as wishing if Boo were normal, I don't feel guilty at all. I want the best for my girls, my NT daughter and my unique one. I do not want either of them to face hardships, discriminations, jeers, etc...


    It's called being a mom.

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  5. Lana, as I sit at my desk not being able to fully understand all that parents of special needs kids go through each and every day, I almost don't feel qualified to respond.
    Yet with tears fully streaming down my cheeks all I can think about are these unbelievably wonderful children that God blesses me through each time I am with them - or heck, even thinking about them, I simply can NOT just sit back and say nothing.
    My heart physically aches for all that you as parents work with and through just to survive each and everyday, but to add just plain old craziness of division based on verbage grieves me even greater.
    We as human beings should be focusing on loving and encouraging one another! While we may not always agree, division will not improve treatment or help find cures and that makes me sad.
    Hang in there and know that many of us with "normal" kids (though even that can be debatable!) have a great love for families with special needs and love you and your children regardless of the verbage that goes along with diagnosis.
    (hugs!!!)

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  6. Hi
    As a 14 year old with type 1 diabetes I have heard all that and more including the gym teacher's but your not overweight and you scored high on the principal's fittness test sigh.Every time I asked him about the amout of activcy so i could calculate insulin he said the above followed by my father has diabetes and he does not need to know that.So you dont need to.Went to nurse she came down explained type 1 diabetes and this happened 2x a week for three years.Ugh now i am on to the high school.

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  7. You are far more courteous, and classy, than I could hope to be in writing about this.

    While my son was, as far as I can tell, born with Asperger's, I still fall into the camp of seeing it as an intruder at times. I love and accept him for who he is, but I hate the pain and difficulty he endures because he struggles with understanding social skills, or with controlling the racing of his body and mind. I would take that difficulty away in a second, if I could.

    Kudos on a nicely-written post. I hope it is read by those that need it most.

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  8. I'm of the same camp Flannery is in. In fact she pointed your article out to me. I do hear you and respect what you have to say and agree with it. From what we can tell both my girl's Autism is genetic on my husband's mother's side..just from traits alone. What's more both Madeline and Natalie were showing signs of Autism before they were a year old. I don't believe our case is every case.

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  9. It was obvious to from day one that Cam was different. But then he regressed even further after 12 months. I guess in a way, I go between both camps because of that experience. No matter which camp I'm in, I always know that no matter what, I will do whatever I can to help him.

    I totally thought of you today as I was drinking my diet vanilla at Sonic =)

    My sis is Type 1. There are some really uninformed comments people make about diabetes!

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  10. I do think we will eventually find several varieties of autism, and this may be a starting point. Why do some people talk and others never do? Why are some of extraordinary intelligence while others are not? My son definitely regressed, but when I look back, there were some signs all along as well.

    I think understanding types will help us understand the right ways to help each person, rather than trial and error we have today. Some types may respond better to gene therapy, or traditional interventions, or other forms, perhaps some not even yet invented.

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  11. I won't pretend to know the origins of autism or whether my little girl was "born with it" or predisposed, or something else. I do know that at 15 months something took over her body. She regressed. Stopped talking (she was early). Stopped responding. And acted "depressed." That was nearly 7 years ago, and we've been fighting for our little girl every day since.

    This is a powerful, passionate community. It's heart-breaking witnessing the hostility. Clearly, there's still so much we must learn from each other, and learn together.

    Thought-provoking posts like yours, hopefully, help guide a mutually respectful discourse.

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  12. I honestly don't understand the use of the word "normal." What does that mean? In this case, does it mean "not autistic." Because autism looks like a million different things. Some kids have sensory issues, some communication issues, some behavioral issues, some anxiety, some a combination of those. If you only have one of those, does that mean you're almost normal? There are just so many non autistic kids (i.e. "normal kids") out there who have qualities that I am very thankful I don't have to deal with with my autistic son. He may have a hard time socializing with a group of kids, but it would never, ever occur to him to leave someone out or make fun of someone. If that's what the normal kids are doing, then no thank you.

    I agree very much that we all need to be more open-minded and willing to accept one another's opinions and experiences. I just wish everyone could really think about how their words might affect others, particularly autistics. To me, it's not about silencing yourself or denying your struggles, but about choosing your words wisely and being specific. I try to think to myself, "I wish my son didn't struggle to communicate," instead of "I wish my son were normal." I think about how he might feel if one day he heard me say or read where I wrote that I wished he were normal. I hope that makes sense. Good discussion and thank you for starting it.

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  13. As always you have hit the nail directly on the head. This post is brilliant. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it! As you know my son regressed into autism and I always view his autism as a separate entity and because of that view I always think that I can treat it and I have seen some success with different non-trad therapies.

    However, I have never questioned or belittled or mocked anyone who knows that their child was born with autism and that it is who they are. I believe that as mothers (and fathers) we ALL KNOW whether or not our child was born or regressed with it. We gave birth to these beautiful children and no one else was more present in their lives during their formative years. I would never think it's my place to tell another parent what their journey was with their own child. I wish everyone could just respect each other enough and allow each other to share our feelings and experiences without judgment.

    (BTW shared your post on my blog's facebook page- it was too good to not share with the world)

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  14. Hi, Lana! Thank you for letting me know about your post. I appreciate your willingness to engage in dialogue. We do disagree about our positions, but heartfelt thanks to you for being willing to talk about your position and my position and the differences openly and with respect: without name-calling, or inflammatory language, or disrespect. This is exactly what I hope for: that we can talk about the sources of conflict, that we can hear differing viewpoints, that we can work towards a way to move forward - together.

    I love what Nikki wrote. The language we choose to express ourselves matters. Especially, especially when we're talking about a vulnerable population. Autistics are vulnerable. Blogs and newspapers are public. This is not denying that autism has difficult challenges. But we do need to choose our words wisely and choose forums with awareness.

    My son has difficulty sleeping. Since he was a baby. When he wakes in the middle of the night, he simply can't go back to sleep. I wish he could. Sleep deprivation makes his life harder. It sure makes parenting harder, 'cause tired mama and tired boy can get really sticky.

    We can honestly talk about these things. I often tweet or FB about coffee. And sleep. And the dream of having a nap. Those things don't put a vulnerable population at risk. They aren't sources of pain for autistics. And they are real parts of our lives.

    I think there's so much more to talk about on this issue and others. We have so much to learn from each other. Our stories are important, and worthwhile, and valid. And I look forward to hearing them. Thank you, Lana.

    Brenda @ http://mamabegood.blogspot.com/

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  15. Thanks to all of you for your kind and thoughtful words and for sharing your insight.

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  16. This is one of the best posts i've read on the division. Was just having this discussion with someone today - that our discussions of autism are colored by if we believe genetics versus environmental. I love the thoughtful, brilliant way you laid this out.

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  17. I just came across this post, linked from LovethatMax. I love it. I am honestly always searching to figure out why it is my son has Autism & when it started. He was always a difficult baby, straight from birth - we had horrible colic issues, gastro-issues & he's always been really "touchy" or "sensitive" and I always had a hard time trying to explain to friends why I couldn't do the same things with him that they did with their kids & why we never let anyone else put him to bed so we could have a night on the town, etc.
    However, I can also look back at his first year & see a different child than the boy who started showing up around 15 months of age. Our 15-month pediatric appointment, he had some signs of speech. At 18, none. There were other things too, that we've been remembering suddenly that were different the first year. BUT I don't really think that something happened to him to cause his Autism after 12 or 15 months - I almost think of it as something that happened in utero or very early in infancy, that was laying almost dormant, waiting.
    I also hate how careful you have to be in some forums about your feelings about bad days & bad moments & when you are so dang frustrated & depressed after a period of just everything seeming to go wrong & you are thinking, I hate Autism b/c it's making my kid so unhappy & I wish he could experience life with less difficulty. But, I still love him - I just wish he could have the same happiness that a "normal" kid has in the same circumstances he has. And no one can tell me that he's as happy, when he has to struggle & work so hard every day.

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  18. Found this post while googling around, and I love what you wrote! I do not have an autistic child, but I DO have a Type 1 Diabetic child. She was diagnosed at the age of 2 1/2, and is about to turn 6. We moved to the Austin area three years ago, just a few months after her diagnosis.

    Since living here, I have not been my usual social self. For a time I thought it was just due to getting adjusted, being in a new city and all. But recently I've realized that it actually has more to do with having a Type 1 Diabetic child. Unfortunately (and in total opposition to my nature) I have isolated myself somewhat, and this is all in an effort to protect myself from peoples hurtful and ignorant comments regarding diabetes.

    The ways that people can step on a diabetic moms dignity are endless.....One of the first incidences I experienced involved two women from church who carried on a conversation about what they felt were the causes of diabetes, while I sat right next to them. They casually bantered back and forth stating that the reason children developed diabetes was because they did not spend enough time playing outside in the sun. It didn't seem to phase them that I was sitting right beside them....they just chattered away!

    One of the greatest examples of ignorance that I ever encountered actually involved a nurse from the children's hosptial here in Austin. I wasn't there to witness this, but a dear friend of mine who works there related the story to me. See, my friend had thrown a birthday party for her son, and my daughter was a guest. We took lots of pictures of the kids eating cake. Well, she was on a break at work one day and pulled up the birthday pics on her iphone - just to show some of the other nurses how great her sons birthday was. A picture of my daughter eating cake came up on the screen. My dear friend said innocently "Oh, and this is my friends daughter, the one I've told yall about that has diabetes". One of the nurses shrieked in horror "And she let her eat CAKE?". And this is coming from the mouth of a nurse at Dell Childrens Hospital.

    I've heard it all...."She can come off insulin if you give her the right vitamins and nutrition", "Will she outgrow it?", "If she at only fruits and complex carbs, she wouldn't need insulin". When I try to explain to them that if I gave her an apple...and no insulin to go with that apple...her blood sugar would go so high it would send her into a ketoacidosis coma, they look so incredulous.

    Dealing with this dynamic all the times makes me feel.....tired. Anyhow, from one diabetic mom to another, I loved your post!

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    1. One of the most valuable lessons I learned about diabetes was this - carbs are carbs are carbs are carbs. It does't matter if it's cake or an apple or french fries or milk or donuts or sweet potatoes.

      When Ryley was first diagnosed, her doctor told us to let her have no sugar. It was horrible. And he was horribly misinformed about feeding a diabetic child. We changed doctors about 6 months later and the new doctor said these exact words to me - "Sugar is NOT cocaine". I learned that Ryley could have sugar in moderate amounts (we are healthy eaters no matter medical conditions) and we just needed to count the carbs like we did everything else she consumed. I gave her 2 Oreos and actually cried while she ate them. :(

      Education is so important but it's frustrating, isn't it? Especially when you feel like you're educating the medical community, too.

      Good luck! Thanks for the comment!

      And would love to know where you go to church in Austin. We know so many of the pastors in town - wondering if we know yours.

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  19. I first stumbled across your blog because I was looking for PECs ideas for my daughter. I love your blog, sincerely. A new one that I will be following. I am going to be stealing some of your PECs set up ideas. My daughters ABA therapist even ran with some of the websites you posted for PECs icons. Thank you so much for putting all of this wonderful info together. I'll just say that I agree with everything you posted all the way down to the 2 groups of Autism Parents. Sheesh, I couldn't agree with that more.

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    1. Thanks so much for the comment! Glad the PECS post was helpful. I'll be sure to visit your blog as well...

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    2. If you're setting up a PECS program, I have a digital copy of Everyday Education by Pernille Dyrbjerg and Maria Vedel, it's all about visual communication aids, and it's got heaps of printable pages. I've got it up on mediafire, in my digital autism library: http://www.mediafire.com/#mcz5cbhdg5ded

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  20. I have been thinking a lot about what you said originally in your post about how you feel Lily regressed and perhaps she does not have autism but symptoms that are interpreted as autism - if I'm following correctly? I understand how you are saying that this "autism" has her captive and you believe there can be wonderful changes in store for her. I accept your views fully and hope they are fulfilled.

    So much of the world of autism is not understood, leading us all to form our own opinions based on our own experiences, each of which are different from the next family who experiences autism or its manifestations in their homes. Based on one's own experience, which is very real in it's limited expanse, some have come out believing they can speak on behalf of groups or on behalf of "the whole". I don't think anyone can do that outside of their own experience.

    Instead of seeing two versions of autism - I see 35 million people worldwide with similar symptoms, some of whom can fall into this group or that group of similar life experiences and derive support from those groups. April is just a month. A month that has become one where what affects a significant number of those 35 million and their families and friends and acquaintances by bringing discussion of what, and how and why we believe what we believe about this amorphous concept that affects each of us.

    I'm sad to see this continue as us versus them. Be that as it may, in my heart, I will do what I can for my son and for anyone who reaches out to me. That's all I can promise to do. I don't want to speak for anyone else. I don't think I have the right or the knowledge. And I know that no one has that right or knowledge in my house either.

    Thanks for letting my 2 cents in here too, Lana. Much love to you, Lily and the family as you pursue what is right for Lily with Dr. Goldberg. xo

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  21. I'm autistic; I'm from an autistic family (I can trace autism back at least four generations back in my mother's family), I identify as autistic, and my diagnosis has been very positive for me. I don't like a lot of what Autism Speaks says and does.

    I do think that there are at least two types of autism. I don't know if the regressive kind is caused by something external, or if it's just genes that 'switch on' at a later time. Maybe they'll have figured it by the time I'm old.

    And I do think we'd all be better off if we listened to each other. I think Autism Speaks needs to listen to autistic people more, listen and accept autistic people's viewpoints as valid, whether or not what autistic people are saying lines up with their dogma. I think autistic people need to realise that even the most vocal cure seekers love their kids, and are only trying to help their kids live a happy life. I think people should stop pointing fingers at non-verbal autists communicating by typing or pointing, and thinking that they're a fraud, or that their parents and carers are delusional. I think autistic people need ACCEPTANCE, not AWARENESS or TOLERANCE.

    I think we all need to listen, and understand that no view is the right view, or the only view, just another view, and that no one can truly understand what it is to be someone else, we can only try and empathise.

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