A Little Friday Fun

Hey!

It's Friday!

So let's not talk about anything the least bit serious today.  OK?  OK!

But before we get started, I do need to get something off my chest.  I don't feel like I can go to the fun stuff if I don't make a confession first so here goes:

Hi.  My name is Lana and I am a boot camp drop-out.

It was supposed to be a three week camp and I made the first two weeks.

I hope you don't think less of me.

I'm not going to try and make a bunch of excuses.  Actually, I'd like to but they all sound kind of lame now that I think about it.

Let me just say this - Ryan and the big girls have been in Guatemala all week so it's just been me and the Bird at the house.  I needed all my energy focused on being the solo parent and getting up at 4:50 AM was not going to help in the energy department.

OK.  Now that I've got that off my chest, let me show you a couple things I pinned this week:

Here's a great list of fun "tools" to extend play-doh time.

From Sixty Second Parent

We are working on getting Lily to blow.  She "blows" in, like when drinking through a straw but doesn't blow out, like making milk bubbles with said straw.  So we're working on it.  Thought this might be a fun way to see herself blowing, minus the cute little dragon part because she could care less about that.

From Blog.Kangarooboo.com

As part of Birdie Boot Camp, which starts this weekend (and hopefully I'll be more committed to this one!), we'll definitely be doing some painting with yogurt.  A snack and a craft in one?  A winner for sure!  Until she starts to eat regular paints, thinking they are yogurt paint... but we won't think about that.  I even have all natural food coloring that I spent a small fortune on so she won't be consuming funky dyes.

From Tot Treasures

These magnetic paper dolls featuring your child as the doll look like so much fun but so much work for me.  And not knowing if the Bird will like it, it's time I'm not willing to spend.  But maybe you'd like to do it for your kiddo.  Or maybe you'd like to make it for mine.... Wouldn't that be fun??

From ikat bag

And speaking of Pinterest, I have to pick on Jim, from Just a Lil Blog.  He is now officially on Pinterest and I thought you might like to see his first comments.  Sorry Jim, but I just can't resist.  And I think you'll be a good sport.... I  hope.

Jim W
okay, i don't understand pinning. But i want the recipe and there's no recipe here. WHY PINTEREST? WHY???????

Jim W
oh my god. . . i just figured that part out. GO PINTEREST!!

Lana Rush
HAHA! You're very dramatic, sir.

Last but not least, for those of you engaged in the IEP process, thought you might appreciate and get some information from Dennise Goldberg's article for Friendship Circle entitled, "Top Ten Most Ridiculous Things Heard At An IEP Meeting". 

Now get out there and have a great weekend everyone!

You're Going to Play and You're Going to Like It!

Do you ever feel like your kid is pulling the wool over your eyes?  Like they're actually trying to keep you in the dark?

I feel that way every now and then but today, it was officially confirmed.

Lily has been playing me like a fiddle.

And I have been a willing participant.

I spent an hour and a half at the Bird's school on Wednesday and let me tell you, it was quite educational.

For me.

I know.  I know.  Kids usually tend to do more for teachers than for mom or dad.  Or do more when they're at school as opposed to being at home.

Having taught school myself, I was always surprised when a parent would tell me their child couldn't do something that I knew good and well they could because they were doing it at school.

Like tying shoes, for example.  I mean, honestly.  It's much easier for ol' mom to tie the shoes than to do it yourself, right??  So why let ol' mom know you've been tying your own shoes for months when she's so good at doing it herself and it's just one less thing on your kiddie to-do list?

Any-who, back to the observation.

Honestly, I wasn't expecting that much because I wasn't watching Lily Bird on the camera.  I was just hanging out in the room with her, right where she could see me.  Most of the time, this doesn't work all that well because I'm a total distraction for her.

Now I think that maybe it didn't work because she was afraid I was going to discover all she was perfectly capable of doing and start expecting her to do it at home.

First of all, I walked in the room and I immediately noticed was how quiet it was.  Just about the time I was thinking Lily must not be in the room (thus the quiet), I saw her move out from behind the therapist.

So of course, I'm thinking the quiet won't last long.

Well.

I want you to know that my child sat on that rug and together with her therapist, quietly built the tallest tower of large Lego blocks I've ever seen her do in her entire life.

Oh.

And while she's building, the therapist occasionally asks Lily what color Lego she'd like next.  To which Lily responds appropriately by selecting a color word on her Touch, then choosing the selected color of Lego from the pile.

Whaaaa?

Then, totally relaxed like, she lays on her tummy, tumps a puzzle upside down and proceeds to put it back together while identifying the shapes on her Touch.

Huh??

Then she indicates on her Touch that she is ready to transition from the floor play to some fine motor work at the table. With absolutely no trouble moving to the next activity, she sits at the table and proceeds to complete not one, but two lacing cards.

At this point, I am simply flabbergasted.  I mean, I'm wondering who this kid is and what they've done with the Bird.

I feel bad for thinking it but this behavior is just so.... foreign to me.

Lily then takes her Touch and asks to use the potty.

They walk to the bathroom, Lily does some verbal imitation while on the toilet, and gets a piece of chocolate as a reward.

For the verbalizing, not for going to the potty.  Because she never actually used it.

I felt a little less like a dunce at this point because I really think she knows good and well that she gets chocolate as a reward for verbalization, which usually takes place while she's on the potty since she's a captive audience and I totally think she asked to use the potty so she could have a piece of chocolate.

Had she just asked for chocolate outright, the answer would've been no.

I personally think she was doing a little ABA of her own.

The reason I know this?  Because I think the best ABA therapist in our home is the Bird.  I know when she's doing it and I still fall into her evil little clutches.

After the bathroom break, Lily washes her hands, which she loves to do, gets a paper towel and here's where I had to be picked up off the floor..... she walks to the trash can and throws the paper towel away.

Oh. My. Stinking. Gosh.

Lord help me, I am a fool.

Because here's what I learned at the school:  As five years have now passed, I am guilty of doing the one thing I don't want anyone else to do with my daughter.  I have lowered my expectations of what she is capable of doing.  I have made assumptions about what she can and can't do.  Sometimes, I don't even expect her to try something so I don't even present the opportunity.  I spend more time trying to make life easier for my child than giving her a chance to prove herself.

And that has got to change.

Effective immediately.

So listen here, baby girl:  I'll go easy on you on school day evenings since you've been working hard at school all day.

But Saturdays and Sundays?  It's Birdie Boot Camp, baby.

I'm scouring Pinterest, not because I want to (definitely not!) but because I am a woman on a mission.

We're going to play.

And we're going to like it.

But most importantly,  I know you can do this.

It's on.

Electronics vs. Traditional Play: What the Mom Thinks

Since this is turning out to be somewhat of a "loose series" of posts, I hope you're all caught up with me.  But just in case, here's Post #1 and Post #2 if you need them.

If you read yesterday's comments, Karen from Solodialogue pretty much stole my thunder (!) and summed up how I feel on this issue.  But since I'm rarely at a loss for words, I'm fairly certain I can add a couple of things to her point.

Our speech therapist is of the opinion that ABA has removed the joy of simple play for Lily.  While she is totally aware that the Bird has motor planning issues that impair her ability to play, she still thinks that ABA has turned play into a series of tasks for Lily to just get through so that she can then engage in "real" play - aka, electronics.

But here's the problem - this opinion makes the assumption that Lily would know what to do when presented with some objects of simple play.  That she would understand what to do with the toy and would understand that playing with that particular toy is fun.

In other words, Lily has to learn that play is fun.  And in order to learn that play is fun, she must be taught.

Take music for example:  Most kids do not think learning the piano is fun, especially in the beginning. Much of what they are learning initially is just stuff you have to get through to get to the fun.  Scales. Hand position.  Foot position.  Memorization of key locations.  You've got to play a lot of Chopsticks before you can master Beethoven.

Or sports:  I'm going to assume that most high school football players don't think that two-a-days and strength and conditioning work is all that much fun.  But I bet that playing on Friday nights in front of a huge cheering crowd is pretty fun.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Some things, even some of the things we most enjoy, are things that we had to learn we liked.  We had to learn it was fun.

Lily is the same as any other kiddo in that regard.

But where she differs is that much of play doesn't come naturally to her so it's a little more difficult for her to understand the fun.  And takes a little more teaching time.  In other words, she needs more Chopsticks time before Carnegie Hall or more strength and conditioning before the Friday night game.

But she'll get there.

Eventually.

It's hard to teach what just comes naturally to many children.

When my big girls were Lily's age, I could hand them each a big chunk of play-doh, a rolling pin, and some cookie cutters and they would go to town for hours.  I never really sat down and demonstrated what to do.  They were making clay cookies, decorating them with fake sprinkles and running a bakery, all without my "teaching" them a thing.

Not so with Lily.

I have to sit at the table with her.  I have to show her how to pound the dough.  How to roll snakes.  How to use the rolling pin or the little wiggly rollers that make designs in the clay.  How to make shapes with the cookie cutters.  I have to show her how she can "hide" little plastic bugs in the dough and then "find" them.  I have to demonstrate how to put the dough in the extruder thing and squeeze it out like spaghetti.  And I have to be very careful of how much "hand over hand" work I do with her because... let's just say she's not always open to my help.  And of course, play-doh will be sampled at least ten times.  Even though she knows it doesn't taste good, she still keeps checking!

And sometimes, it takes me longer to get out all the supplies than the actual playtime lasts.

So we'll keep trying.

And we'll still limit iPad time, especially as a reward for play.   Instead, after a good play session,  I'm turning on the TV to play a couple of youtube videos that I choose and Lily can't fast forward, rewind or search since it's on the big TV and I have the remote.  It's still electronic but at least I'm in charge.  She can dance around, hop up and down, and stim all she wants for a little while, then we move on to something else.

Bottom line?  Lily needs to learn that play is fun.  And the only way she's going to learn that is by being taught how to play and then practicing that play.  By engaging in some simple, traditional play and then getting a brief "brain break" as a reward for that practice.

And no matter the reason why Lily can't seem to understand the simple joy of play, whether it's the fault of ABA, DTT, inferior motor planning, or something altogether different, the fact remains that she needs to learn how to play.

And on that fact, "the therapist" and "the mom" agree.

So we work.

To play.

And maybe, just maybe, one day this baby girl will approach me with a decorated clay cookie and ask if I want to buy it from her bakery.

Electronics vs. Traditional Play: What the Therapist Thinks

I'm finally getting around to organizing my thoughts about the play saga going on around my house.  For those of you who missed it the first time around or just need a refresher, here's the link so you can get all caught up.

Today, I'm going to tell you what the therapist thinks of Lily's play skills.

First of all, this is from a speech therapist's point of view.

Second, this is a speech therapist who is not a fan of ABA, or applied behavioral analysis, a type of behavioral therapy that Lily receives.

And thirdly, this is her opinion and should not be taken as fact, or even 100% my opinion.

Here we go:

If electronics are not in the picture, Lily loves water play.  I really think she is part mermaid.  In fact, I may not have water play on the agenda for the day, but odds are good that she will find a source of water  and engage in some play whether I like it or not.

She also loves good old-fashioned horse play with her dad.  Lily is a rough and tumble kind of kid so she loves it when Ryan throws her on our bed or chases her around the house, only to grab her and tickle her.  I have tried these games with her myself but unfortunately, I am a poor substitute for her dad.

She loves being tickled in the armpits by her big sisters.

So, as you can see, the list of non-electronic play is rather short right now.

We are working to expand her play repertoire at the moment, something that will probably take a few months.

The speech therapist feels the main reason for this lack of play is that Lily no longer thinks of traditional play as fun.  She doesn't look at puzzles or balls or Legos or play-doh as enjoyable activities.

In short, she has lost the joy of play.

The speech therapist believes this disengagement from play is mostly the fault of ABA.

You see, one part of ABA is something called Discreet Trial Training, or DTT.  In very, very simple layman's terms, this means getting a child to complete a task, essentially for a reward.

Think of a mouse running through a maze to get to the cheese.  Does the mouse run the maze because he loves the maze?  No.  He's in it for the cheese.

So for the past year and a half, Lily has been engaged in DTT.  She has learned to do all kinds of things, like putting puzzles together, stacking blocks, feeding a baby doll, and the like.  But she has learned these things not because she likes doing them, but because once she completes the activity, she gets to choose something she wants to do.  In other words, something electronic, like the iPad or the clinic's touch screen computer.

Essentially, and possibly by default, Lily has learned that giving a baby doll a fake bottle or pouring a cup of tea is simply a task to complete, much like the maze is for the mouse.

What she hasn't learned is that some kids think feeding baby dolls, having a tea party or doing puzzles is actually fun.  These activities are play, in and of themselves.

The speech therapist thinks Lily doesn't think of these things as play, but rather as work.

And she believes that's the fault of DTT.

Do you see how she came to this conclusion?

Now our goal is to help Lily re-engage in some of these kinds of play, showing her that this is the play.  The reward is not the play.  I'm thinking of calling it Operation Restore the Joy.  Nice ring, don't you think?

I've been scouring Pinterest for ideas and spent last Friday at Wal-Mart picking up a few things that will hopefully capture Lily's attention and help us restore the joy of simple play.

And since I'm no dummy, I'm starting with water play, the most highly non-electronic motivating thing for her.

I'll keep you posted on how it's going - and hopefully, I'll write "What the Mom Thinks" tomorrow.

In the meantime, any thoughts to share?  I'd be interested to hear...

From the Archives...

Y'all.

I've just had one of "those" weeks.  I can't seem to find the time to sit still long enough to accomplish much of anything.

So for today's post, I dug back through the archives and found a little something I hope you'll enjoy.  Maybe it'll even send you off for the weekend with a little smile....

No She Doesn't..... But She Does.... (from September 2010)

Tests..... Paperwork.... Forms.... Evaluations.... Meetings.... Online research.... Therapy....  and endless, endless questions.

This is the world of special needs kids.  Well, I guess it's only a portion of the world, but it's a big ol' piece.

One thing that always drives me crazy is sitting across from some evaluator and having to answer hundreds of questions about Lily.  Most parents don't mind talking about their children and I certainly count myself as one of them.


But these aren't fun "tell me about your child and show me some cute photos" kinds of questions.  These are hard questions and most times, the answer is no... no... no... no... no.....

Here are some examples:

"Can Lily purposefully kick a ball?"
"Can Lily fill a bucket with sand or water?"
"Can Lily imitate facial expressions?"
"Can Lily engage in back and forth play?"
"Can Lily imitate your verbalizations?"

Yuck, yuck, and more yuck.


After meetings like this, I feel the need to turn the tables and give a little lecture on all the things Lily cando that never came up during the evaluation.

So, for all those times I didn't get to say what I wanted, I give you the "No She Doesn't.... But She Does.... List". 


No, she doesn't roll a ball back and forth but she does dismantle a childproof lock faster than I can install it.
No, she doesn't put two words together but she does latch all the straps on her carseat, booster chair, and grocery store carts.
No, she doesn't engage in pretend play but she does know the way to our neighbor's house with the swimming pool and yellow Lab.
No, she doesn't ride a tricycle but she does know if she empties her toy tub, puts it upside down and stands on it, then she can reach the sound machine on the top of the bookshelf.
No, she doesn't scoop sand into a bucket, but she does know how to turn on the bathtub faucet even if you remove the handles.
No, she doesn't initiate play with other children but she does destroy a book series called "Indestructibles".
No, she doesn't play with toys appropriately but she does have the amazing ability to create ladders out of anything.  Give her some gum, a few toothpicks, and a paper clip and she's better than MacGyver ever was.

I could go on and on but I think you get the point.

Now I would like to take this opportunity and send a message to all those evaluators with all their questions and this is it:


HUMPH!

There - I feel so much better now.


Have a great weekend!

Let's Make a List Together!

I'm not purposely trying to create a cliffhanger about the electronics versus toys.  I just haven't had enough time to sit at the computer long enough to get it all out.

And today is no different.

So how about we do this instead...

Tell me a couple of your favorite special needs books.

What books have really helped you in your journey?  Or inspired you?  Or given you a sense of hope?  What books have let you know that you're not alone?  Made you laugh instead of cry?  Or laugh and cry??

I'll add the books that we come up with to the Resources section of the blog.

All of us can use a good recommendation from time to time so let's hear some titles, folks!